For the last 22 years of my life I've been dealing with one health issue or another. I've bounced from specialist to specialist depending on whatever was ailing me the most at the moment. I've been told I'm being dramatic. I've been told I was making my health issues my identity. I had past family members try and convince my parents I am a sociopath. I had a family member tell others I was faking symptoms so I could have brain surgery. (As if that is something a neurosurgeon does electively or without a reason.) I've had doctors throw their hands up in the air and tell me there was nothing else they could do. I've turned to drugs and alcohol to soothe the overwhelming loneliness of chronic illness and the mental and physical agony I was suffering. (A path I do not recommend!)
All along, as I got rare diagnosis after rare diagnosis, it didn't seem fair. I couldn't have all these things.
Then 5 years ago a doctor told me he knows they all must be connected. He didn't know how but he wanted permission to order all of my medical records. I was going to be his passion project. I filled out 27 different forms of consent for him to get medical records from every specialist or surgeon I saw, every hospital I'd ever stayed at, and every surgery I've ever had. He wanted to study my medications. It was a daunting task to try and trace back every doctor I saw. I did my best.
I eventually lost my insurance and I was no longer able to see this doctor. We fell out of touch and the hope I had seemed to fade more and more the further I got away from my last visit with him. Still, it gave me a sliver of hope that there might be an answer out there. There had to be one thing that all of my issues tied back to.
After 22 years of frustration, agony, tests, pouring through case studies and articles in medical journals, losing hope, gaining hope, and losing it again, it looks like I finally have the answer. My parents and I cried over this. It doesn't mean that I can take one magic pill and all my health issues go away. However, it gives me a roadmap to feeling the best I am able to feel, which will make things like my job and daily living tasks easier to handle. It also offers validation, because after a while you can start to feel like you were the crazy one. I was not.
God is faithful.
Persevere. Please keep going. Rest when you are weary from battle and pick up your fight again when you are able. It will still be there waiting for you. Physical, mental, and emotional health are worth fighting for. You will learn things along the way and your journey will bless others in ways you never could have imagined.
Stay the course. Your next blessing might be just around the bend, you just can't see it yet.
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