Recently my character came under attack from a person close to me. I didn't even get upset, I just got really, really sad. It was a quick reality check that this person hadn't been honest with me. What made it more difficult is that I have been making an effort to work on this relationship to build it back up. I thought we were doing well and making strides towards rebuilding a broken relationship.
This person didn't come to me with their concerns, rather, they decided to make it a written, public calling out. If I'd recieved this news 10 years ago I would have flown into a defensive rage. Which, of course, I would have eventually regretted. My reaction was very different. I found it so fascinating to see how God truly has been working in my life to change me.
My first reaction was tears of sadness. (Well, more like ugly sobbing in my car as I talked to a friend on the phone.) I had an aching and wounded heart after reading what this person had to say. What I thought was an honest, healthy, growing relationship was all a façade. My next step was to go to a trusted confidante (with no involvement in this situation) who could help me go through what this person said about me, line by line, and see if there was any truth in it. After all, self examination is healthy. More importantly, there is a reason God wanted me to read this exchange. (It was not directed to me, it was just about me and the writer made sure to include me and various other people for unknown reasons.) I needed to recognize if there were any truths in what was said so that I could make changes in my life.
After working through the letter I sat on it for several days. Reading, reflecting, and praying. I ultimately decided I didn't feel a response would help heal this broken relationship. I also didn't feel the need to correct inaccurate assumptions made in the letter about me. I know the truth. God knows the truth. At the end of the day He is the only one I answer to.
The most difficult choice was deciding that this person no longer deserved a seat at my table. (I pray this changes someday.) As I seek to grow and continue to live the most God honoring life I can, I've had to make some difficult decisions about the people I surround myself with. Some people I've had to let fade away as their influence was not positive in my life.
What stunned me most of all in this entire situation is that once I made the choice just to let it lay, I felt calm and peaceful with the choice. I read over the hurtful words dozens of times the first few days but I honestly haven't read it since. For the first time in my life I truly feel filled with the peace that passes all understanding. It just sets my soul on fire every time that God reminds me of all the truths and comfort we can find in scripture.
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
Philippians 4:4-9
God truly surrounded my soul with a peace that I can't understand or explain. God is good! There is a great comfort that comes with my faith. My finite self can't see the big plan God has for my life. All I can do is make good, healthy choices day-to-day, and seek to honor Him in all that I do. Life is so much less stressful when I really do focus on just doing what God wants me to do, and not what I want to do. After all, His plan for my life has repeatedly blown my plans out of the water and been for more awesome than anything I could have ever imagined!
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